I am in my 20’s and live in Colombia. Your site has clarified a lot of doubts for me. Let me explain my story. When I was 18, I had a girlfriend with whom I began practicing controlled intercourse. We had passed through a religious group similar to Samael Aun Weor's, and although we learned a lot, we felt that the vision of doom related to sex was too harsh. Anyway, we practiced without even knowing techniques, just by intuition.
Without realizing it we found our bodies and minds were healed in a profound way. Later, we found that a LOT of books were teaching something similar to what we experienced, and that those techniques were more common than we thought. That was when confusion came through the door: too many definitions of something that's very personal. They were talking about orgasms without ejaculation and things that seemed different to what we had experienced, and aimed to have more physical pleasure. We broke up and things changed a lot for both of us - for the worse.
One thing I use to compare the happpy time with the present time is the fact that my sister and I use to scare each other: we would wait for the other a long time, hiding somewhere, and then jump and scare each other. In those days my mind was so clear, focused and in the present that she could never scare me. Today any dog bark can make me jump, and now I suffer from insomnia.
That happened because when we separated after seven years of controlled intercourse, my next girlfriend was so addicted to orgasm that it sucked me in. And in just three months I felt my life was very different.
The story continues, because after my next girlfriend, I spent three years alone. Since I was again hooked on orgasm, I began to masturbate a lot. Besides, I was depressed and didn't care for anything. I just wanted some release (need I say I felt worse?).
Of course I regained consciousness and began to use whatever I could to deal more constructively with the issue. I stopped ejaculating, and that's when I discovered that dry orgasms are useless. Just more of the same, so the loss of semen is not the only way to waste energy. I read some Samael Aun Weor books, and he taught a technique he called Vajroli Mudra, different from what you find on the internet under the same name. I still found it was very violent, stopping orgasm too abruptly.
Then I began to experiment and found I could use masturbation to recycle my energy, instead of just trying to stop it and becoming neurotic (that happened, I swear!). I still think masturbation is not a substitute for the true benefits of controlled intercourse, but if one has no other choice, this could be a temporary solution. It worked for me. I know you advise sharing with another person, but since I am a writer and spend countless hours in isolation that was not an option at that point in my life. It's a flawed system, I know, and maybe not for everyone (it has too many risks, and you can fall back into masturbation with ejaculation), but it worked for me and the alternatives were far more discouraging.
Why do I tell you all this? I found a website that said something similar. It said "Throw away your tantra books, just send the energy to the heart", and that's simple enough to follow. Just do it, don't complicate things. It's like learning to juggle: just do it; don't try to make everything straight in your mind before the actual experience.
Of course, I have to take into account that my learning process was different, so this relearning is also different. This is the website where I found that information: http://www.csis.hku.hk/~bruce/masturb1.html I do not
agree with everything. For example: fantasizing is not helpful. That takes me out of the present and one can lose control too easily. But that kind of approach seems to me very clear and easy to start with: don't complicate things, just go slow, relax, never go over the edge, and let energy circulate by itself with a little help of your mind. Then you can begin to experiment with more advanced techniques.
It has taken me about three years to be back on track. As I said, I had the experience of dry orgasms that other books explain and found them just the same as a normal orgasm. I had the answers from the beginning, but was confused by what others told me. The way you put it is more clear and accords with what I have experienced. Your point of view of the healing aspect of sex is something I feel is absent from almost everything I've read.
I read periodically your site, just to remind me how I want things to be, and to not let some weird part of my mind to convince me that a regular orgasm is better. It is nice to know that my view of sex is shared by more people that seek, not better orgasms, but a better life. Thanks.