In honor of The Mysterious Heart, here's an account of a way to make love that relies almost entirely on the merging of energy fields. It is one of about ten "soft styles" of lovemaking collected in the first edition of Sexual Energy Ecstasy by Ramsdale and Dorfman.1
Later editions of Sexual Energy Ecstasy are glossier, but not as good in some respects because the authors jumped on the profitable 'multiple orgasm bandwagon,' and lost sight of some of their earlier wisdom. Initially, an important part of their mission was introducing Western lovers to an alternative form of sexual energy, which they dubbed the "total relaxation orgasm," or TRO. They found it to be a healing and nurturing experience. Here's how they defined TRO:
A climax that usually requires maximum relaxation. May occur with [physical] arousal, or without arousal. It is not the same as conventional genital orgasm. Typical signs of genital orgasm, such as rapid contraction of the PC muscle, may occur, but the chief characteristic of TRO is an experience of blissful fusion. TRO may last a few seconds, several minutes, an hour or longer. TRO can occur without any genital stimulation whatsoever, yet may occur during vigorous lovemaking as well. Sometimes referred to as "Tantric Orgasm" or energy orgasm. Can take place hugging while fully clothed or without any physical contact, e.g., via eye contact alone. There are literally thousands of variations.
The authors point out that, even where couples do not experience TRO, soft style sexual union without orgasm tends to energize, uplift and inspire. When couples avoid orgasm during lovemaking, they gradually find that a simple touch can "bring a world of tender feelings, and a kiss can feel like a life-giving act." Soft style lovemaking also brings consorts closer together emotionally.
The authors recommend that lovers who use these styles also practice:
- deep relaxation, prayer or meditation as a way to promote inner peace
- circulating sexual energy up the spine and down along the front of the body to the naval area, and
- consciously sending sexual energy to each other.
Partners can also "wipe" any sexual tension off of each other, starting at the abdomen and stroking tension away - toward the head and feet - with a gentle touch that lifts off of the body at the end of each stroke, dissipating the excess energy.
A word of warning: the TRO is not an experience that lovers can strive for. "Striving" means one is moving toward conventional sexual arousal, with its neurochemical roller coaster ride, triggered by high dopamine. The TRO is an experience partners open to, and then allow. Don't climb toward it; fall into it.
Recipe for Magnetic Sex
"Magnetic sex" is distinguished from conventional, or "electric sex," in which the lovers concentrate on vigorous physical stimulation to the point of rapid and pleasurable discharge. In contrast, magnetic sex is energy-oriented. Partners take time to allow feelings of aliveness and arousal to permeate them entirely.
Regular meditation helps lovers to experience the subtle energy flows, and it is a good idea to begin the practice with a meditation. If you don't have a favorite of your own, you can use the heart meditation.
As you meditate, concentrate on the heart energy surrounding you - as it extends outward from your body. Describe it to yourself, using your imagination if necessary. Does it have a color? Texture? Degree(s) of luminosity? In the alternative, you may want to imagine that the tactile sensitivity of your skin is expanding outward, like a balloon inflating.
When the meditation is complete, take turns placing your hand firmly over your lover's genitals. Specifically, apply gentle pressure to the man's perineal area, and gentle pressure through the tissues covering the opening to the vagina. When it is your turn to be the active partner, hold for a moment, sending energy to your partner through your hand. Then begin stroking your sweetheart's entire body gently and lovingly with palms and fingers. Imagine life force energy flowing through your hands. Take your time. Take turns. Continue until you both feel that more would be too much.
Now, repeat the stroking at a distance of two inches from the body you are stroking. You may feel the life energy around your lover build up and thicken as you do this. It can feel as real as your flesh. Switch roles, and repeat.
Unite genitally in a comfortable position, either on your sides (woman wraps her legs around her partner), in scissors position (pictured here), or in yabyum (pictured below). Once connected, move gently, or not at all...just enough to sustain some erection. Breathe in and out through your hearts, relaxing with each exhale. This should keep the genital tension from building up too rapidly. The goal is to spread the energy throughout your bodies.
You may want to experiment with this technique, which the authors of Sexual Energy Ecstasy call "Charge Up." At the point where your genitals connect, visualize a sphere of golden light the size of a beach ball. The man may start making an audible noise as he breathes in and out as fully and completely as is comfortable for him.
As he inhales, he imagines that he is thrusting this light from the genitals up her spine to the top of her head. As he is exhaling, she is inhaling. As she inhales, she imagines that she is drawing that same light from the genitals up her spine to the top of her head at the same time.
Now, when she exhales, he inhales. She sees the light going down her spine, through the genital juncture, and up his spine to the top of his head. She thrusts the light with her exhalation as he draws the light with his inhalation. When he finally thrusts the light back through her, he will send it from the top of his head, down his spine, through their genitals and up her spine to the top of her head.
You may want to hold hands and squeeze as you exhale, so your partner knows where you are in the cycle.
At some point during Magnetic Sex, it is not unusual to feel that you are falling backward, or dropping through the air. The usual sense of having separate identities may begin to dissolve.
Eventually your sense of oneness becomes total. The two of you (at the life energy level) have literally become one. Thrilling oceanic wave-like feelings that are like orgasm yet different course through your bodies over and over and over again. This is a classic TRO [total relaxation orgasm].
When you eventually disengage, do so very tenderly and sensitively so as not to disrupt the powerful energy field that you have just created. Don't be quick to leave abruptly, even psychologically.
Use your touch to send healing energy to any part of your mate's body or mind that needs healing. Tell your beloved with your touch how much you care for him or her, and how grateful you are for your time together.
- 1. Peak Skill Publishing (1985)